


Euphoria

by HaloKiwi



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Acceptance, Crying, Crying In A Cool Way, Fluff, No Smut, Non-Binary Harry, Non-binary character, Other, Supportive Boyfriend Louis, Supportive Husband Louis, Trans Character, Trans Harry, Trans Harry Styles, reference to smut, they/them pronouns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-20
Updated: 2019-03-20
Packaged: 2019-11-26 06:21:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18176984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HaloKiwi/pseuds/HaloKiwi
Summary: Harry discovers that they are non-binary and tell their husband Louis who is very supportive.





	Euphoria

**Author's Note:**

> This fiction is super self-insert and based of my own experience. It is very important to me. Harry is very important to me. He has helped me gain confidence and strength to be myself.
> 
> Disclaimer: Harry has never said anything about being non-binary. This fiction doesn't Display the truth. Only Harry can know the truth.

He had looked up a lot of stuff on the Internet and had asked his friends inside the LGBTQ+ community lots of questions, because he wanted to be a good ally. He knew how important it was to know he was supported. When he first discovered his sexuality he had been really lucky that his newfound best friend who he had a massive crush on was not only super supportive but also reciprocated those feelings. They'd been a couple ever since. H and L forever. It wasn't always easy.

Management made them hide it and even have fake girlfriends. Harry knew that most of their fans at least suspected what was really going on but it made him really sad, that he had to hide it and couldn't really show the fans how okay it was to be gay. He knew lots of their fans were just in that state of life were they discovered their sexuality and Harry wanted them to always know how completely okay that was. That they didn't have to be ashamed and that they weren't broken. He complained about this over and over again to the management and finally they agreed that he could show his support more. He wasn't allowed to say he was gay or pan or whatever (Harry wasn't really sure what label described him best and he also didn't really care about it) but it was a first step. Louis had to keep up with the pretend girlfriends. Harry knew how exhausted and annoyed Louis was because of that and it really hurt him, but Louis said it was okay and that it was worth it. 

It started out with rainbow flags during the late One Direction days and Harry loved dancing around with them on stage. After years of hiding it felt like freedom. He still couldn't tell the fans but now he was sure that they really knew he supported them no matter what. 

~~~

During his search on the Internet he didn't only come across how to support the community best, but also across lots of labels that he didn't know before. It was a bit like the rabbit hole Alice fell into. Harry felt like Alice in a rainbow wonderland of genders and sexualities. He had never really labeled his sexuality. He thought he didn't care much about what gender his partner was and he had been in a happy relationship since he first discovered that he wasn't just into girls because that was what he always assumed before but that just wasn't true. If he really wanted to put a label on it, it would probably pansexual but he didn't see much sense in using that label for himself since he literally didn't care about his sexuality at all. 

What he was really fascinated by from the first moment he learned about it, were non-binary genders. First he didn't know where this fascination came from but then he realised it was how he was. He had never been a huge fan of gender roles and living according to them, but that was not what being non-binary was about to him. To him it was more about how he saw himself and how he wanted others to see him. It was also something inside him like a feeling that told him where he belonged. 

When he was younger, he had always been really confused about how strongly some people cared about their gender. Some cared so much that they were even willing to transition to the so called opposite gender. Harry didn't get what was so special about being a girl or a boy to some that they so badly wanted to be it, he felt nothing. He felt that if he was born in another body but was still feeling like he was right now, he probably wouldn't care that much. Sometimes when he was younger he asked himself what gender he'd rather be and he could never really find an answer to that because being a boy or a girl, he didn't prefer any of those. He just didn't care much. Nothing of those was pulling him in like he felt it should probably be like based on the fact that he knew there were people who cared about this so strongly. In the end Harry thought it was probably best to be a boy because he didn't care much and it was the easiest. Then he forgot about it, because why should he keep thinking about it if there weren't any really satisfying solutions for what gender he was. 

When he found the term non-binary, he remembered his thoughts on gender when he was younger and he realised that maybe this was the reason he felt like he did all along. He was non-binary. The realisation didn't really shock him, it felt more like coming home or a warm hug. He cried a bit, not because he was sad or didn't want to be like this, but because he was happy, because he finally found who he was and it felt good to finally have something he could really identify with. He also cried because he just was an emotional person and he did that a lot and nobody could stop him. Tears don't mean you're weak. Tears are just emotions in physical form and emotions are nothing to be ashamed of. 

Harry was convinced that most people he cared about would accept him the way he was and that made him really happy. But while he knew Louis would definitely accept and support him, Harry was a bit worried that Louis wouldn't love him any more When Harry first told Louis that he didn't care about what gender a person was and that he might have a crush on Louis, Louis had said that he liked him back and that he too was bi and likes boys and girls. That was what worried Harry. Would Louis still love him if he knew he was no girl or boy? Deep in his heart Harry knew that he probably would, because Harry was just the same as before, he just knew better who he was now. 

When Louis came home this evening, Harry didn't dare to tell him yet. Louis could obviously tell that Harry had cried and that he was thinking a lot, so he asked him what was up and if he wanted to talk about it. Harry denied and said that he'd tell him another time and that he just wanted to sleep now, preferably cuddled up with Louis. Louis wasn't really happy that Harry wouldn't tell him what was going on but he knew that he had to give him his time and space and he'd tell him eventually. 

~~~

A week later Louis came home and Harry had prepared chicken stuffed with mozzarella wrapped in Parma ham, the food Louis had prepared for one of their first dates. This dish meant a lot to them and not only because it reminded them of this date. It had become a habit that they'd prepare it for each other whenever something special was going to happen like the day Louis proposed to Harry or the day Harry told Louis he was going on a world tour. 

Louis could see Harry had cried before Louis arrived and so the first thing when Louis came in the kitchen was for him to wrap Harry in his arms and kiss the tears away while standing on his tiptoes. Louis wasn't small, Harry was just really tall. 

It still worried Louis that his amazing husband was still crying but he was positive that today was the day he'd tell him why. He hoped that it was nothing bad. If someone had died, Harry would have instantly told him and Louis just hoped Harry wasn't sick or something like that. 

The food was delicious. During the meal they didn't talk much. Louis didn't want to pressure Harry, so he waited. After the dinner he was sure, he'd tell him what's up. 

That wasn't the case. Harry got up after he finished and announced that he'd go to sleep now and Louis could come in bed whenever he wanted. Louis didn't want Harry to hide and delay whatever he needed to do further into the future, so he got up and followed Harry into their bed were he cuddled Harry from behind. “Baby, what's going on? You can tell me whatever it is.” he whispered softly into Harry's ear. “I'm scared. What if you don't love me any more?” hiccuped Harry, he had started to cry again. “Shh baby, I'll always love you no matter what you're going to tell me. I promise. Whatever it is.” Louis tried to calm Harry down with his gentle and reassuring words and it worked. Harry was still crying but Louis could feel his whole body relax. “OK, I'll tell you, but please don't laugh at me.” “I'll never laugh at you, baby.” reassured Louis. 

“I've been on the Internet. A lot. Many of my fans are part of the LGBTQ+ community and I want to show them that I support them no matter what. I want to do it right and with respect and not hurt anyone, so I started to make some researches on the Internet about different sexualities and also different genders. I discovered that there is more than just being a boy or a girl and I realised that I don't feel like a boy or a girl. That's called non-binary. Sometimes I feel like I'm somewhere in between and sometimes I feel like I'm nothing at all. Do you still love me? “

Louis had been quiet all this time to listen to his husband. Could he even still call him his husband if he technically didn't even feel like a man? He would have to ask, but first he had to answer Harry's question. Harry was tearing up again and Louis just didn't want Harry to feel bad in any way. 

“Of course I still love you, honey. I'll always love you. You're still the same. You realised who you are and I think that's great.” 

“Do you really think so?”

“Yes, I really do. I can promise you that. I'm always happy when you are. I'm happy you found your identity. “

“Thank you, Louis. You're the best boyfriend I ever had!” 

“You idiot. I'm the only one.” 

Louis started tickling Harry and tried to pin him to the bed with his body. Not long and they switched positions and Harry was on top. He was grinning widely and tickling Louis back. Then he bend down to pepper kisses all over Louis’ face. 

“I love you so much, Louis.” 

“I love you more.” 

“But I love you eternally.” 

They both were giggling. Louis had no doubt that Harry was finally relaxed again after being pent-up for weeks. Louis wondered if he could have done anything better. If he should have shown Harry more that he'd always support him. 

“You win, H. But I still want you to know that I love you so so much and that I'll always support you, alright?” 

“Alright. Thank you, Louis. What do you want to do now? We could watch some movies or something if you want to.” 

“I was thinking that we could just lay here and cuddle and you tell me a bit more about how you feel. And maybe I can ask you some questions too, if that's alright. I'd really like to learn more about it. I want to treat you right. What do you think?” 

“That sounds really good. Do we still have ice-cream? I'd love to eat ice-cream in bed. “

“I think so. Get comfy while I go downstairs and check for ice-cream.” 

When Louis came back with a container of chocolate chip ice-cream and two spoons to eat it straight out of the container, Harry was laying in the middle of the bed comfortably cuddled under one of the blankets. Louis slipped under the cover besides Harry after he gave him a peck on his nose. 

“So, do you want to tell me what you were so afraid of? I want that you always feel safe with me and tell me things that matter to you.” 

“You said you were bi and that you liked girls and boys so I wasn't sure if you'd still love me because I'm none of that.” 

“Oh Harry. Do you know what? I think I'm Harry-sexual. Just kidding. I never really thought about if I liked more than just boys and girls. I've used the label bisexual since I was 14 I think and when we got together, there wasn't really any need to think about it. I think I really don't care like you always say.”

“Oh,alright. Do you think you would have liked me if you knew I was like this from the beginning?” 

“You were still the most beautiful person and the kindest and the cuddliest and what's most important: my favourite person. I think I would have liked you no matter what. Maybe I would have been a bit insecure in the beginning because I had no experience with anyone non-binary, but that's it. “

“And now? Are you insecure about me being non-binary?” 

“No, I don't think so. I've known you for so long and you're still the same person, yeah? “

“I'm still the same.” 

“Exactly! What I wanted to ask. Since you don't feel like a boy or a girl, do you still want to be called he or do you want me to use different pronouns for you?” 

“I haven't thought about it yet, but I'll give it some thoughts and as soon as I've figured it out, I'm going to tell you.” 

“Take your time, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Louis leant over to give Harry a kiss on the cheek. Harry turned his head and kissed Louis back which lead to a little make out session. They both tasted like chocolate ice-cream but they both didn't mind. 

Afterwards they fell asleep, happily cuddled together, they're faces still messy with melted ice-cream but they didn't really care. 

~~~

The next day Harry started his research on pronouns. He should have done it much earlier, thinking about how this might affect some of his fans too. 

He found lots of neo-pronouns but while they worked for some they definitely didn't work for Harry. 

One of the most common gender neutral pronouns Harry came across was they/them. That could definitely work Harry thought and decided to tell Louis that those were their pronouns from now on. They happily smiled at themselves and maybe a tear or two came out of their eyes because they were just that happy and relieved. 

When Louis came home from a writing session Harry was already waiting for him. They were really excited to tell their boyfriend their pronouns. 

"Louis, come on! We need to talk!"

"Did you decide to break up with me after all?"

"No! No, I love you more than words can say. I know you know that and if you don´t I think I need to show you in the bedroom tonight. But now come on. Let´s sit down on the couch and talk.”

“Baby, I know you love me but I won´t say no to your offer to show me.” Louis exaggeratedly winked at Harry, but didn't show any intentions to move towards the living room.

“Come on, Louis. I want to talk and I don´t want to do it in the hallway. If you don´t come I´ll carry you and I know you don´t like that because you don´t want to admit how small you are.”

“No need to threaten me, darling. I´m coming.” Louis found it almost adorable how desperate his partner was to tell him whatever it was. He would have loved to tease Harry a bit more, but that would just be mean. He also preferred not to be carried because no, contrary to popular believes he wasn't actually that small.

They sat down on the couch and Louis could clearly see how relieved Harry was. There was silence for a bit but Louis decided to give Harry as much time as Harry needed.

With quiet words Harry finally started to talk. “When I told you that I´m non-binary you asked me which pronouns I preferred and I told you that I´ll tell you as soon as I figure it out. Uhm. I think they/them is what I´m most comfortable with. Would you call me this?”

“Of course I will. That shouldn't even be a question. It's not up to me to deny you this. If I denied you this it would be saying the sun doesn't shine. It's not anything anyone can change and they shouldn't try to. Your happiness is not up for debate.”

“Did I ever tell you that I love you?” The tears in Harry's voice where obvious when they started speaking again after Louis' emotional speech. 

Louis pulled Harry into his arms. “I love you too. I always will. I'll always do my best to make you happy and if I'm not able to make you happy I'll be by your side on the sad days too. You've always got my love and support.”

They shared a few kisses and cuddled up afterwards. After a while they both fell asleep on the couch with the confidence that they will both forever love and support each other.


End file.
